Inspiration

My first pregnancy was really hard on me.  I had acute hyperemesis - code for permanent nausea - and I later developed gestational diabetes.  When I got pregnant for the second time, I was mentally prepared for those things.  I was not prepared, in any way, for what I got.

I did get sick again, but my OB doubled me up on the anti-nausea medicines so I was actually pretty functional.  I was pleased with that, as were my husband and toddler.  We thought we were doing well.

At 20 weeks we went in for our midpoint ultrasound and gender check.  Our baby girl measured at 18 weeks.  Something was wrong.  We saw the specialist.  She couldn’t identify any abnormalities on the ultrasound.  Something was wrong with the baby’s genetics.  We saw another specialist.  At 25 weeks, the baby was measuring at 20 weeks.  Something was wrong with the baby’s genetics and the doctor thought it was going to kill her.

We decided to get an amnio.  The doctor stuck a huge needle into my abdomen and desperately tried to get enough amniotic fluid out to run the genetic tests.  Two days later, we found out that our baby had Down Syndrome.

Three days after that…

Hannah Charlotte Peterson was born on Monday, December 3, 2018 at 4:56 pm.  She was 27 weeks, weighed 430 grams (about 15 ounces), with a length of 10 inches.  If I could have held her, she would have fit in one of my hands.

For 13 days, Hannah was a shining star in the Utah Valley Hospital NICU.  They were constantly amazed, impressed and baffled by her.  At first, no one could believe how well she was doing.  Then things started downhill and no one could figure out why she couldn’t come back.

We still don’t know why Hannah wasn’t growing properly in the womb.  We still don’t know why her body failed.  What we do know is that the doctors and staff fought valiantly to save her out of love and it was out of love that we all had to let her go.

I held my daughter for the first and last time on December 16, 2018.  I kissed her sweet little head and cuddled her tiny body the best that I could.  It wasn’t enough.  It will never be enough.  But she needed to go home.

Hannah’s little life changed me.  Hannah’s little star still shines brightly.