Sunshine in My Soul

Today I heard a celebrity blame The Church for teen suicide in Utah.

I was really upset by that and, it took a while, but I think I figured out why it bothers me so much.

First of all, I have a history of clinical depression, anxiety and suicidal intent.

Secondly, I buried my baby.

The Church saved me.

The only thing that kept me from spiraling into an endless depression is the hope that I will be with Hannah forever.  I get her back.  And that fact (yes, I call it fact) has kept me alive.  Bear in mind, that when I say 'alive' that I don't mean just breathing.  I mean actively living with purpose and joy.

Today, I felt Hannah's light shining all around me.  Her light guided me to listen to some old conference talks and Tabernacle Choir music to help me process through my upset.  Her light comforted me and shined even brighter when President Nelson declared that we don't have to stand alone because the Lord stands with us.

Tonight, I was singing "There Is Sunshine in My Soul Today" to my toddler while getting her ready for bed.  I realized that Hannah's light was still with me and so is my Savior's light.  Things can upset me, but if I look for that light, I will always find sunshine in my soul.